But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
