My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I supernannyed him into submission
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
