he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
