Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So apparently I’m into choking now
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
