I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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