the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
