I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
