i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
