you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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