3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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