why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
