More tranny stories later!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
