____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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