Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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