Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
