this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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