Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Redeem this text for a blowjob
is wine microwaveable?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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