So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
