i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
