I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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