he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
