saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
