Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
