Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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