So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
