just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There are leaves in my underwear?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
