Got a toothbrush?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
