I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Randomize
