Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
