dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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