I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
