Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
