I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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