Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
