I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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