I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
