I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
