Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
