Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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