she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
