forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
