I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
