so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
