found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
