So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
