I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
