Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
