My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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