You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
