sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
