Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
