Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
