You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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