We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
