i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
